To be honest, my main concern and focus at this point and from now is everything about my child. I’ve got no room for other things that no longer serves me and no more room for regrets. I am letting go of my bitter past to choose a different path to grow and move on. I wanna be a better person than I was yesterday, I wanna be the picture in my head of how a great parent would be. I wouldn’t want to miss any time with Celine over anything. She will always comes first. Knowing that every single decision I make will affect my child in any way, I gotta make sure that it will benefit her best. I have so much plans for us, and knowing myself, I will always find a way to make it all happen. It really is true, having a child really do change people. So far in this journey, I have learned that from this point on, it will never be about me anymore. This child have grown so much in me, it’s insane, and she’s not even born yet (as I am writing this, she’s moving like crazy in my womb as if she’s asking me, “what are you doing mom? What are you so busy for and don’t ignore me.” haha). I wanna be the best i can be for her. I wanna be the mother she will be so proud of and look up to. For her, I am letting go of all the negativity in my heart and mind, and most important of all, to forgive and free myself from all the hatred, pain and sorrow. Definitely starting fresh, though it’s hard at first, it will be worth it. Like my parents always tell me, “Be the better person. You’ll sleep better at night. Be humble and kind, even to those who have hurt you the most. It may seem hard to do, but it will free you.”
I am very thankful of my parents. They have been very supportive and comforting. I am glad they are not there to feed my insanity and listen to me rant; I am glad they have been honest with me and not be push overs. They straight up tell where i may have been doing wrong and give me the best piece of advice they could ever give on what’s the best thing for me to do. I love how they don’t expect too much from me, how they let me be my own person now. They have made it known that they will always respect my decisions and they will always be there to support no matter which path i take. They also do not expect me to do what they advice me to do, but instead give me the breakdown of the pros and cons of things. My parents and I may not have the best relationship in the world, and had several hiccups along the way, but I am grateful that they are there for me when I needed them the most.
I also have grown to care less about what other people think and talk about me now. I have realized that the less I care, the happier I will be. There’s no need for me to stress over things I have no control over. And what other people think about me is really none of my business anymore. I have learned so much from previous mistakes and this time i am making sure it doesn’t happen again. I am trying to expand my horizons and be more optimistic about the world. I asked myself, “Ten years from now, would it really matter? Is it really worth stressing over?” I was wrong for a lot of things but i am learning from them now. There’s no blaming game anymore, making reckless decisions out of spite, stressing over little things, so on and so forth. I have found my inner peace. It’s nice to finally have an unclouded mind, everything else just filters through, and it’s nice to finally be able to think clearly. It makes a lot of difference, and i am actually more happy with my decisions now no matter how it turns out, good or bad. I am now able to recover quickly from negativity and have more tolerance (thanks to meditation lol). Anywho, I do hope and strive for the best. I wish everybody the best also, friends and foes.
That’s all. I think I am gonna get a midnight snack. My baby is moving like crazy i feel like she’s hungry lol.
I am truly blessed. Just gotta keep counting my blessings from now on. I just wanted to write to let it out, and it actually feels better writing things out. I am pretty bad at expressing my thoughts and feelings so maybe this will help me improve a little bit haha.